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9 Ways of Marrying The Wrong Person

1. U pick the wrong person because u expect him/her to change after
u're married.

The classic mistake: Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if u
can't be happy w/ the person the way he/she is now, don't get married.

2. U pick the wrong person coz u focus more on chemistry than on character.

Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning.
Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm
in lust." Here're 4 character traits to definitely check for:

Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is
more important than personal comfort? Would I like my child to turn
out like him or her?

Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How
does she/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to?

Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says
s/he's going to do?

Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is
s/he emotionally stable? Do I want to have a child with this person?

3. U pick the wrong person coz the man doesn't understand what a woman
needs most.
The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she's the
most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give
her consistent, quality attention.

When the man forgets about his own needs & focuses on giving his wife
pleasure, amazing things happen.

4. U choose the wrong person coz u don't share a common life goals &
priorities.

There're 3 basic ways we connect with another person: chemistry and
compatibility, share common interests. share common life goal

After marriage, the two of u will either grow together or grow apart.
To avoid growing apart, u must figure out what u're "living for,"
while you're single -- and then find ! This is the true definition of
a "soul mate." A soul mate is a goal mate -- two people who ultimately
share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the
same priorities, values and goals.

5. U pick the wrong person coz u don't have a deeper emotional
connection with this person.

To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not,
ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I
impressed by this person?" U should be impressed by qualities of
creativity, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask: "Do I trust this
person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I
can rely on him/her?

6. U pick the wrong person coz u choose someone with whom u don't feel
emotionally safe.

If u're afraid to express ur feelings and opinions openly, there's a
problem w/ the relationship. Be on the look out for someone who's
always trying to change u. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an
abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to
change u. A suggestion is made for ur benefit; a control statement is
made for their benefit.

7. You pick the wrong person coz u don't put everything on the table.

Anything that bothers u about the relationship must be brought up for
discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way. To
evaluate how well the two of u communicate, negotiate and work
together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably
arise.

U need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve ur
differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be
afraid to let the person know what bothers u. This is also a way for u
to test how vulnerable u can be with this person. If u can't be
vulnerable, then u can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

8. U pick the wrong person coz u use the relationship to escape from
personal problems and unhappiness.

If u're unhappy and single, u'll probably be unhappy and married, too.
Marriage doesn't fix personal, psychological and emotional problems.
If u're not happy with urself and ur life, take responsibility to fix
it now while u're single. U'll feel better and ur future spouse will
thank you.

9. You pick the wrong person coz he/she is involved in a triangle.

To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on
someone or something else while trying to develop another
relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is
the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated
with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or
money. The person caught in the triangle can't be fully emotionally
available to u. U will not be their number one priority. And that's no
basis for a marriage.

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